54 replies to this topic

[pammartin]

How short was the dress?

[Judy2]

Billie, I just posted and then read your post to Marnie. I KNEW IT I KNEW  I KNEW IT  TOO FUNNY

Judy

[pammartin]

I have been firmly reprimanded several times while reading these posts.  I know he gets up at 2, I know he tries to get as much rest as possible, but when I read these stories, I am going to make noise.   I do not have a dainty laugh, nor do I quietly chuckle, I fear he is really going to hide the computer from me after 7 p.m. and after reading Marnie's hot tub flashing story, I might have sealed my fate.

[pammartin]

We represent the Lullaby League, The Lullaby League, The Lullaby League

And in the name of the Lullaby League,

We wish to welcome you to Munchkinland.

We represent the Lollypop Guild, The Lollypop Guild, The Lollypop Guild

And in the name of the Lollypop Guild,

We wish to welcome you to Muchkinland.

We welcome you to Munchkinland, Tra la la la la la la

From now on you'll be history.

You'll be history, you'll be history, you'll be history.

And we will glorify your name.

You will be a bust, be a bust, be a bust

In the Hall of Fame!

[Judy2]

Pam, I cannot stop laughing, I am laughiing so hard I have tears rolling down my face. Too too too funny. You  made my night.

Judy

[PhilB]

I definitely can't top the hot tub story, but my wife did once manage to lock herself out of the house while our baby son was inside the house and I was over 2 hours away at work.  I must get round to replacing the boarded up pane of glass from where she had to smash her way in one of these days.

[pammartin]

Phil,

I think you should leave it there, one of the things you can tell the grandkids.

[pammartin]

First I assume you demolished the hot tub because you had enough of it in one day for an entire lifetime.  Second, I really want to drive the crusher, love tools, machines, one year I found a chop saw and a belt sander under the tree, almost peed my pants with excitement.  (of course there are more stories about me trying to actually build something with them)  quick hint, measure twice cut once, I thought it was cut twice with a guess.  I keep envisioning you and your husband with sledge hammers in the middle of a full blown demo, I wish you would have video of it I bet you could have submitted it to Reality Renovations and advanced to movie stardom.  Of course if you have watched that show, you would have had to accidentally hit one of your vehicles at least once with the sledge, broke a water line without a shut off valve, and had one of you would have had to experience a huge breakdown/fight or fight/breakdown at least once during the demo. 

[pammartin]

Judy,

Billie won, she posted hers at 11:24

I didn't post mine till 11:35

You had us pegged pretty good.  Best part was I didn't see Billie's post till this morning.  Great minds

[Marnie]

I have not lived a deprived life. . .in fact, my grandma used to make home made munchkins.  I just thought they were called "donut holes."  Who knew!!??!!

[Happycat]

Okay, finally have some time.

Lockout story #1

This happened when i was 17.  When my dad was sick in the hospital, my mom stayed with him all the time, so I was on my own for meals. One day, I decided I wanted pizza with mushrooms, which I intended to make myself, but I had no mushrooms. I only had $0.80 on me, just enough to buy a can of mushrooms. I got in my moms car, a nice sporty Camaro, and drove down to the grocery store. As I pulled into the parking spot, a guy in the parking lane ahead of me started backing out, and the fool didn't realize I was there and was about to hit my moms car. So in a panic, I jumped out of the car and waved my arms around to make sure he saw me. He did, hit the brakes, and missed the car. I breathed a huge sigh of relief and started walking toward the store.

As I walked past the front of the car, I heard this strange thrumming noise, and realized that I had been in such a hurry, I jumped out of the car without turning off the engine.  So I walked back to the door and grabbed the handle, then realized with horror that I had locked the keys in the car with the engine running. So I thought about it a bit, and decided the only way out of it was to call my BIL and ask him to go get the spare keys from our house.

Of course, this meant I had to spend a dime on the call, which meant I wouldn't have enough money for mushrooms for my pizza.

This also meant I had to wait out in the parking lot, leaning against the car and trying to avoid the stares of all the townsfolk who were wondering why I was just standing there with the car running!

My BIL had a good laugh on the phone, but went and got the keys for me. When he got there, he asked me where my groceries were, so I had to admit I'd spent my dime and couldn't afford the mushrooms. He very kindly gave me the money,   I went and got my mushrooms, so I could at least fulfill my craving for pizza with mushrooms.

Lockout story #2

This one happened in college. I went home for Xmas. My sister was doing Xmas dinner, so my mom and I left in the early afternoon to go to her house.   My mom told me to lock the door. So I went around and locked ALL the doors. I got in the car and then she said she had forgotten something and asked me to go get it. I said, okay, give me the house key. She said, what house key?  I said, you know, the one you use to open the door?  She said, I don't carry the house key with me!

To which I astutely replied, well then why did you ask me to lock the doors? 

Mom: I didn't mean all the doors!  I meant the back door! 

Me:  what?  You only lock the back door because you think burglars only use the back door?

Mom:  well, yes!  They'd be seen if they went In through the front door! 

Me:  Garrrhhh!  Whoever heard of people locking a house up by only locking one door!  let's just go to Tina's and deal with it later! 

Mom:  how is your brother going to get in?  He will want to shower and change after work before he comes to dinner. 

Me:  I don't  know, maybe HE has a key!

Later, we get a call from my brother, in a snorting bull rage.

Tim:, Who's the dumbass who locked the doors? 

Me:  uh, that would be me.

Tim:  well, great, I hope you're happy.  I had to climb up to the porch roof and break in through moms bathroom window.  It took me 20 mins to get in.

Me, in a very small voice:  Merry Christmas! 

Click - he hangs up the phone.

[Judy2]

Marnie, now I'm jealous, you had homemade Munchkins!!!  Do you have the recipe? I would love it.

Judy

[pammartin]

I would have locked all the doors.  I think you are totally justified.  You were told, and followed directions.  (I am still working on that, not sure I will ever get it right)  My husband says the easiest way to get something done is to tell me not to do it.  To date, I have fell for it every darn time! 

[pammartin]

Figured I would start out Friday with a smile.

Many years ago my son's father and I were remodeling our upstairs bathroom, we were trying to figure out how to cut crown molding for the ceiling, this is not as easy as it sounds, (well at least to us) and of course we had to buy oak, so we didn't want to ruin any pieces, even then it was fairly expensive.  After several hours, many angles, ruined pieces, (remember that cut twice guess once reference) we were both ready to destroy each other as human beings.  I might add, although this bathroom held a 6ft claw foot tub, it was a former closet so space was very tight and there was no way to get away from each other.  Things progressed from bad to worse, when my ex (should have known then we would probably divorce) abandoned the crown molding job and decided to cut the hole in the floor for the new vanity plumbing.  He marked the lines, plugged in the circular saw and started to cut.  About 5 minutes into the job he decided it was time to take a break, not sure if it was from the job, or from me, or both.  He went outside for a while came back in we finished rerouting the plumbing and went back to the crown molding.  Same results, it went from bad to worse and he stomped out of the bathroom and headed down the stairs.  The house had 6 steps, a landing that was about 3ft by 6 ft, and then another 12 steps to the ground floor.  On his way down he discovered crown molding could actually beat him down the stairs under the right motivation. To this day I do not know how I did not hit him with at least one piece, they were all sizes and two that were still 8ft long (we had not ruined those ones yet).   He turned, think he was on the 3rd from the bottom, and for a few seconds I really thought he would throw me out the window.  He stomped away, went to the hardware store bought flat molding, finished the job and we didn't speak the rest of the day.  The next morning I got up went downstairs and started to make coffee, it was a pretty big house, I had an eat in kitchen, a formal dining room and then two living rooms, out of the corner of my eye something didn't look right, but I was in the middle of coffee, did not investigate.  I got the coffee going, turned to walk into the first living room and stopped.  About 10ft of the ceiling directly above the upstairs bathroom was drenched and laying on the floor (had contractor install the new ceilings throughout the house about 6 months previous) and the new light colored carpet was a blackened mess of new ceiling tile, lathe, plasters, and who knows what else.  When he cut through the floor, he had accidentally nicked the water line and didn't notice it, then when we were working on the plumbing we must have moved it enough to twist the water line into a much larger hole.  We had to pull the floor back up in the bathroom, have a plumber come in and fix the water lines, the contractor was more than happy to install another new ceiling, and in about three weeks we finally had a remodeled bathroom.  It was not mentioned again, but during the holidays I always put out a Christmas letter, I thought it would be fun to add the entire story to the letter, (it went out to about 60 people) and of course my main focus was the sentence 'Ed discovered that under the right motivation crown molding can beat him down the stairs in a race.'  The story was met with rave reviews, well that was until someone mentioned to him I had actually wrote the story in the letter.  That is another story.

[Susan61]

Okay!!  Your making me re=write this.  I told Billie that I was never much of a drinker to make a long story short, but when I was younger I would try to be sociable and drink Beer with friends.  I hated Beer, and I still remember it was Colt 45 I think.  Is that the right name?  Well I got so sick at the party, and back then I used to wear False Eyelashes.

I vomited until my eyelashes fell into the toilet.  My drunk friend scooped them out of the toilet and washed them and dryed them, thinking I would wear them again.

     The story Billie might have missed which I wrote under the topic of Kidney Functions and your GFR in answer to her of my crazy antics.

     I have mentioned that my husband calls me Lucy.  When he comes in the front door, he yells Honey I Am Home like Ricky used to do. He is just as nutty as I am.  Well if you remember the episode of Lucy trying to bake bread, and how  T he bread grew out of the oven and trapped her against the cabinets or sink.  I tryed to bake bread many years ago, and someone told me to put the dough into a dark place to let it rise  I stuck the dough in the oven to let it sit for a few hours to rise.  The oven was not on, but I figured it was dark.  My husband Gary broke down with the car, and I had to run out to get him.  When we got home, the whole house smelled like yeast.  I said Oh My thats my Dough.  It rose so much it was coming out of the oven door.  WE opened the door, and we had to pull and pull all this dough out of the oven.  It was heavy.  Gary helped me lift it onto the counter.  I made numerous loaves of bread from the dough.  At first I was trying to form it into one big loaf.  There was too much dough to work with.

I could probably think of many more stories of trouble I have gotten into.  When I go out the door Gary tells me to behave and stay out of trouble.

   I think its great that people are making others laugh, instead of always with the trauma of our CML.