Hopefully I have not already shared this story, don't feel like a review of my stuff.
About a month ago, it was a nice day, snow on the ground, but about 35 degrees, warm enough for me to venture out on the porch to shake rugs and not wear shoes (I wear flip flops in the middle of winter with 3 ft of snow), the new house has this lovely lock on the door, the inside handle turns, even though the door is locked. Well most people instinctively turn the inside handle, assume (that assume word gets me every time) the door is not locked and continue on their way. I went out on the porch, no shoes, capris, t shirt, and about half way across the deck I hear the door close behind me. The pup jumped up on the door from the inside and her weight automatically closed the door. I am now outside, after shaking the rugs, I head back in the house only to find the door was locked. The dogs are all (7 of them) wagging tails and looking at me wondering why in the heck I am not opening the door. I have not registered it really is pretty chilly out the sun is warm, but the air is cold and the snow that has not melted is pretty chilly also. As I am standing there looking in the door, the pup, she was about 6 months old then, decided it was time for a potty trip. Puppies have little patience with fooling around, they have to pee, they want out, you get off your arse and get to the door or you are going to clean up some form of puppy waste. Of course I cannot open the door, it is locked. I had a brainstorm, the lady who owned the house had cautioned us several times about that lock, but also noted she had locked herself out more than once using a similar method I had, although I do believe the dog closing the door in mine is unique. She stated it was easy to break in, use a credit card or something slim and you are in. So I make my way to the garage through the snow, no shoes remember? go in the garage and root around for something that was close to the size and thickness of credit card. Low and behold I find a piece of metal very close to my requirements, so I head back to the porch. By this time the pup had waited long enough, she did give me one more warning, she jumped up on the inside of the door crying, (wasn't that how this all started) and then while I watched through the window she pottied on the floor of the laundry room (new carpet, of course). I can do nothing about the pee, so I go back to getting inside. The dogs were helpful, they kept encouraging me (or laughing at my fate) not sure which, and they all sat and watched while I tried to break into the house. After several minutes of trying the 'easy way' with the piece of metal I believe frustration was setting in, but regardless I pushed a bit too hard and not only broke the metal piece off, I also lost the rest of it in the door jam. Back to square one. I tried several problem solving techniques, none worked, by now my feet are blue, my hands are freezing and the sun was going down so what little warmth I had was quickly disappearing. On this deck that is against the house are three windows. Three windows, just had to repeat that. About ready to give up and go to the neighbors until my husband came home, I tried the first one, locked, tried the second one, locked, found a stick (this one is higher) and tried it, darn it all if it did not open. I was in! Well kind of, the stick was, and I could get my hand in if I reached high enough. Ok progress, now to find something to stand on. I drug our oversized picnic table to the window, it might work. First rule, do not stand on a picnic table that has attached seats even if it takes 4 people to move it because it is heavy, it will tip over. I did not fall, but I would not have made the first cut in dancing with the stars. Plan B, or is it H, I forget. I turned the picnic table around (we will discuss another time the fight that ensued when my husband saw the grooves in the deck from me dragging the table across the decking boards) and leaned it up against the house. Not only was it stable it was higher! I climbed up again, only can imagine the site thank goodness we moved to the country where the neighbors cannot usually see my antics, and proceeded to crawl through the window. The drop was not bad, about 6 ft. but between the floor and the window were a lovely set of coat hooks I had installed a few days before for my extra hangers and hang up clothes that need to be taken upstairs or ironed. I am halfway through the window, trying to figure out worse case scenario, what and how I would fall, what body parts would probably end up fastened to these wonderful coat hooks, and how long I would have to lay there before someone came home to find me. I chickened out. So, I went to the woods, found a stick that would beat off a grizzly bear, climbed back up to my perch on the table and proceeded to open each window with that stick, patience and strategic placement of the stick would slide each of the two locks on the windows to the open position. When I got the next window open, I only had one more to get to the one beside the door, a few more minutes and success. I was once again in the house, by now the dogs were bored with my trials, no one even came over to say hello. My husband swears these things only happen to me, and if something is going to happen, I will be involved. Of course I swore I would tell no one, but you cannot trust my dogs to keep a secret, so by the evening the entire family knew. That is my latest and greatest adventure, but I am fairly sure I will have another right around the corner. I do dumb things, even while I a doing them I know they are dumb, does that stop me, no, doesn't even slow me down.
