36 replies to this topic

[gerry]

You did the right thing Pam in keeping your fluids up for the trip you took. lol

[Billie Murawski]

Herodotus depraved?  Surely not...

Hey Marnie, I found your underwear, all 5 cups!

[Billie Murawski]

Billie, mole cure:
We have lots of moles here in Oregon who leave mounds of dirt and multiple underground trails in lawns. A friend of mine had a huge lawn with many mole hills. Her son came to visit one weekend and she found him in the yard patiently waiting for a mole to surface so he could whack him with a shovel. (Whack a mole game?). Marg went out to show him how she dealt with moles, shotgun in her hand. She went to every hill in the lawn and shot it to pieces. She said even if she didn't hit a mole, it scared them so much they moved on to another lawn for a while. When I need a laugh I think of shotgun toting Marg blowing moles away! Needless to say, her son had a whole new respect for her!

Now I'm not advocating shooting your house full of holes. Someone might call the cops and your husband might not care for the noise and sheetrock dust everywhere. But it is something to think about!

Or, try finding where they come in and stuff the holes full of coarse steel wool till you can fix the hole. They can't eat the wool so won't get in.

Gail

Gail, it's night #4 I still haven't caught that little creep but I'm heavily armed I found a squirt gun in my junk drawer so I took your advice if he shows his face I'm going to drown him. Oboy goodnight everybody.

[pammartin]

Put out a saucer of wine, the little bugger will be drawn to it. Once he is drunk, he will be easy catch.

[hannibellemo]

So, obviously everything is business as usual?

[Billie Murawski]

Put out a saucer of wine, the little bugger will be drawn to it. Once he is drunk, he will be easy catch.

Pam, I'm not sharing my wine with that rodent. Maybe a cute little Bunny or something.............

[gerry]

Size wise the bunny might actually drink more, almost as much as a certain squirrel.

[PhilB]

The Owl and the Mole-Rat rode away,

On a beautiful yellow bike.

They took some Cheetos, and plenty of wine,

'Cause those are the things they like.

The Owl looked up at the house above,

And sang to a mandolin,

"O Lovely Moley! O Moley, my love,

How on earth shall we get in?

   Get in?

   Get in?

How on earth shall we get in?

 

Moley said to the Owl, "You stupid fowl!

Stood there with your gormless grin!

O don't stand there jigging!  Help me start digging!

A tunnel's the way to get in!

They dug away, for a week and a day,

Exactly the way they had planned.

And there Billie sat, as mad as a hat,

With a big glass of wine in her hand,

   Her hand,

   Her hand,

With a big glass of wine in her hand.

 

Said Ron, "What you doing?  You daft cow, stop mooing,

Of squirrels on bikes and strange moles.

Your mind it does wander, put down that colander,

The wine's running out through the holes!"

That's all that he said, then he went back to bed,

But poor Billie's feelings were hurt.

Now she's got a gun, so the mole better run,

Or she'll give him one hell of a squirt,

   A squirt,

   A squirt,

She'll give him one hell of a squirt.

[Marnie]

. . .as mad as a bucket of frogs?  I think so.

[hannibellemo]

Would that I were witty, but I end this as I began - totally speechless!

[pammartin]

Excellent! Entertainment at it's best

[Billie Murawski]

That was Owlfully  Owlstanding

You must be published!

[Antilogical]

This sooooo inspired me to write the novella that I've been keeping inside.  Well, here it is:

 

It was a dark and stormy night.

Suddenly, a shart was heard.

The air grew thick.  And heavy.  Ew.

 

The End.

[Marnie]

You crack me up.  Thankfully, I'm not on Gleevec anymore, where I might have to worry about what could happen if I laugh too hard.

[Trey]

Who took the poo?  Who took the pooooooooo?

 

http://www.learner.org/jnorth/sounds/Owl_Barred_WhoCooks.mp3

Edited by Trey, 11 February 2015 - 09:33 PM.

[pammartin]

This thread has become a sample of literary excellence!!

[Billie Murawski]

The Owl and the Mole-Rat rode away,

On a beautiful yellow bike.

They took some Cheetos, and plenty of wine,

'Cause those are the things they like.

The Owl looked up at the house above,

And sang to a mandolin,

"O Lovely Moley! O Moley, my love,

How on earth shall we get in?

   Get in?

   Get in?

How on earth shall we get in?

 

Moley said to the Owl, "You stupid fowl!

Stood there with your gormless grin!

O don't stand there jigging!  Help me start digging!

A tunnel's the way to get in!

They dug away, for a week and a day,

Exactly the way they had planned.

And there Billie sat, as mad as a hat,

With a big glass of wine in her hand,

   Her hand,

   Her hand,

With a big glass of wine in her hand.

 

Said Ron, "What you doing?  You daft cow, stop mooing,

Of squirrels on bikes and strange moles.

Your mind it does wander, put down that colander,

The wine's running out through the holes!"

That's all that he said, then he went back to bed,

But poor Billie's feelings were hurt.

Now she's got a gun, so the mole better run,

Or she'll give him one hell of a squirt,

   A squirt,

   A squirt,

She'll give him one hell of a squirt.

Now I'll have to look for feathers and fur.

 

Who took the poo?  Who took the pooooooooo?

 

http://www.learner.org/jnorth/sounds/Owl_Barred_WhoCooks.mp3

Oh yeah now I have to look for poo too.