24 replies to this topic

[hannibellemo]

Susan,

I can definitely relate to a lot of what you're saying. After 35 years in the Portland Cement industry (20 of those years with the 2nd largest producer in the world) my husband came home to tell me his job had been eliminated. Three weeks later I was diagnosed with CML. He went on to get a better job that required him to live 2 hours away but we worked that out. Last November, almost a year to the day of the first job elimination his second job was eliminated. fast forward almost a year later still nothing. Fortunately I have a job and I have insurance. That's my biggest worry right now.

It's interesting, but when I look back, the years we had nothing and were starting a family are some of my favorite memories. We still have more now than we did then so why is it so different? I think I'm just pissed that we paid our dues all of those years and now because of a greedy few our world has turned upside down (not even taking into account the CML).

I'd be surprised if depression wasn't a huge issue for a lot of people right now. I know you're talking chemical and I'm talking situational but it sure feels like the end result is the same. I also think that I experience cyclical depression with Sprycel. I guess I haven't looked into medicating myself because what I've read hasn't given me much hope that anti-depressants work very well in drug induced depression.

So I just try to keep on keeping on...

Everyone on this board helps me maintain my sanity - I can't repeat it enough!

Pat

[Susan61]

Hi Pat:  What your saying is so true.  My husband and I say that we have more now than we did when we started out 40 years ago.  We had rough times, but somehow it was different.  We did survive with some terrible financial problems and work issues also.  Sorry your husband is going through this work problem.

My husband just went back to work last week after being home all summer with total knee replacement.

     The boards do help me keep my sanity at some bad times also.  Lets just pray things get better all around.  Not to be negative, but I do not see it happening  real soon. Take Care

Susan

[CallMeLucky]

"We had rough times, but somehow it was different."

Perhaps years from now, you might look back on these times and feel the same way.  Not that I am trying to make anyone feel more depressed, only that time can be a tricky thing and nostalgia is very deceptive.  I can look back fondly on times in my life when I know full well I was not happy.  Regardless, they are my memories and I value and cherish them.  I put them up on a pedestal and refer to them kindly even though deep down I know they weren't all they were cracked up to be.  Still it's nicer to remember them this way.  Its kind of like when someone dies, we often forget about their short comings and try to remember what was good about them.

[Tedsey]

This is somewhat unrelated, but maybe not.  My therapist tells me everything is "related".  Anyway, had the honor of helping out with research that continued to support that human development does not stop at adolescence or young adulthood.  It continues throughout a person's life.  There are pretty clear stages that people go through.  Human development starts from infancy and ends at death.  It appears the general public has a false notion that our development all of a sudden stops.  Middle-aged and older people are seen as already "grown up".  No further use for intense exploration (unless it is to make money--from insomnia to hot flashes to needing Viagra).  I think it is because the focus of our culture is on youth.  Perhaps that is the reason.  We make the most money there.  Grownups know what to do and where to go.  Not really so, but usually better than children.

Hence, why so much is openly offered to children in treatment for cancer as opposed to adults.  Children are still "developing".  And yes, it is critical that a child going through a very tough time have access to this kind of help.  I am a true believer that our past follows us throughout our lives.  However, there are still some that believe we are "now", not the sum of all parts.  And they argue there is no "unconscious".  We cannot prove that there is.  But we know that people have feelings.  We all experience that, so it must be tangible to some degree.  And how people feel has a great impact on their lives and society (bold statement, but I am hanging with it).  

Psychiatry and psychology still get a bad rap although we can actually see many mental disorders (ex. in chemical imbalances or just brain damage).  Not sure why this field has never received the status or acceptance it deserves.  Maybe because mental illness is so hard to treat, tied into so many other illnesses, and is often not cured.  Also, you cannot be a hero by cutting it out.  Mental issues are something we hide and people often feel damaged if they have troubles.  And people with mental illness can be openly "troublesome" (schizophrenia, for example).  It is not always socially acceptable to ask for help.  Perhaps it is our culture again.  Life is not Hollywood (perfect).  That is all pretend.  To suffer is to be human.  And I am not being Zen.  Like I wrote in a previous post, some of us act uncivilized in the face of what we perceive as danger.  Some of us are heroes, but often unsung.  There will always be someone there to catch on though (am I an optimist?).  So many on this board appear to be enlightened.  Perhaps it is the suffering.  So is suffering good?  It feels bad.  But it does make us human.  And we are.  So, we suffer.  How profound.  Just kidding.  It seems so ridiculous all of a sudden.

My house is in shambles and one of my toddlers has a stinky poo, and for the first time, I am feeling acceptable since switching to Sprycel, thumping heart aside.  It is so true, the impact of how you feel on how you physically feel.  Guess this is catharsis.

So, we are grown up and supposed to be big enough to handle anything that comes our way.  I think that is why these services are not given to us up front.  They exist, but we have to hunt them down in many cases.  I just had a thought, by middle age, which is the age most people are diagnosed with CML or kinda near it, most of us have lived long enough to be knocked around by life at least once or twice.  Some people have had a really easy go.  And I will be biased and say, unless they are born with great emotional intelligence, they are usually less mature and don't have as much to add to the world.  Wow, since cancer, I am not afraid to say anything.

OK, long enough post.  I am glad we are here for each other even though I wish it was on a sports enthusiast's forum or motorcycling.  I wish moments of great happiness to all.  If it's just a tidbit or a crumb thrown at us, at least it is a little break to remind us that life can also be joy.  Guess that is why we are all still hanging in.  I guess I am just repeating what many of you just said.  

[lthouse612]

Oh my gosh! Is that you Kathy??? Wow what a small world... I am so glad to have caught up with you after all this time. I am so grateful for all the help you had given me in my trying to obtain SSD. Even though I was denied the first time... (I don't know if I had shared this with you) I went at it again and wrote a couple of our state senators and a congress woman to see if they could assist me. It did come back the second time approved and has helped us immensely. Anyway, it's been almost 4 since my dx and looking back I still can't believe it's been "that" long. And yes... a motorcycle always does wonders. I keep seeing this commercial or advertisement that says you never see a motorcycle parked outside of a psychiatrist's office, and to me that really rings true. Yes, I still have some really rough days but if I'm able and can go for that ride, it just seems to leave everything else behind and I can forget about how bad I've been feeling and just enjoy being on the road. Do take care and stay in touch!

Mark