I'm on Day 5 of the worst flu I've ever had and it isn't getting any better. Every day I think I will start to get better and I don't. I had the flu shot 9 days before I got sick, but I'm assuming that's a coincidence. I could accept the process, but it doesn't seem to be going as usual (in other words, pre-CML). It seems to me my body is not putting up much of a defense - it's funny to say that, but I can sort of sense it. My fever wasn't all that high for feeling as lousy as I did, and it's gone now. The usual flu symptoms of chills, dizziness, extreme need for sleep have waned a little, but I don't have that feeling of getting slowly better: wanting to eat something, feeling a tiny bit of energy, that stuff. In fact, I feel worse. My whole neck, jaw, tongue, throat, ears are so exquisitely painful I can't swallow without steeling myself first. The coughing is endless, continuous, racking. Each time I cough or sneeze I feel like I'm bending my eardrums out the other way and I'm like a frog whose eyes go back in his head when he zaps a dragonfly. Except that mine then come back out and roll across the floor. After each coughing bout (every 15 minutes round the clock) I think I'm gonna pass out. I am utterly worn out.
Here's the thing - I don't trust my post CML body to do anything right. It betrayed me big time. When my dog bit me I ended up in the hospital for 11 days with an infection. Judging by the bite and how I immediately treated it (and went in and got it seen to), it seems to me that would never have happened to the old me. When I was in the hospital I asked about my specific situation and I got such a confusing answer, I just decided I was too dumb to understand and let it go. I have an ANC of about 1.5 most of the time and everyone always tells me that's adequate. But then they say something like, it depends on how well those WBCs work. So, I dunno. I was always a person who got over any infection perfectly normally; now I seem to be brought low fast and thoroughly. It took FOREVER for the IV antibiotics to get me over the dog bite infection. And now, I can't help feeling that I ought to be over this virus by now, and even if there's bacteria involved, I should be able to handle them. But I'm just not getting any better at all.
One last confusing kvetch: when I told doctors that I hadn't had a cold or flu in years, nor a headache, they said that could actually be a bad thing because it meant I didn't have enough of an immune system to put up a noticeable fight. This makes no sense to me. If you are exposed to the cold germs, but you don't get sick, doesn't that mean that your body fought them off before they could invade?
Sorry, y'all for the length of this screed. I wish doctors made house calls. I need my mother. I need a magic lollipop.