46 replies to this topic

[Ted]

Well said Jack.

[mabdou2005]

Lucky. . .so sorry to hear your news.  My best wishes go out to you and your family

M abdou

[CallMeLucky]

I would like to thank everyone for their kind words.  It has been a very tough week and the responses I got were consoling.

We buried my brother in law yesterday - I still can't believe it.  I have had such a range of emotions about it.  I don't have too many friends, I typically keep to myself and my family.  My brother in law was one of my good friends.  Such a funny guy, always nice to talk to.  He was the only one I could have really blunt conversations about my CML with.  He wasn't afraid to joke about death.  So ironic that I buried him instead of him burying me.  I almost feel guilty - I mean I don't because I don't feel like I should have died and he shouldn't have died, I just kind of feel like we both shouldn't have died.  But he did.  A year a half ago I could have seen my family at a funeral, but I assumed it would have been mine.  Here I am last week in a funeral home picking out a casket and flowers, making arrangements and writing a eulogy!  WTF!  How is that the guy with leukemia is the one giving the eulogy?  What kind of bizarro world do we live in?  But that is life isn't it?  No rhyme or reason, no answers just things happening the way they happen.  Here I worried for the last 18 months about dying and this guy dies on the spot never having seen it coming, never getting a chance to say good bye.  Life truly is fragile and the lesson in his death is to clearly make the most of each moment we can in life.

Thanks again for the support.

[grannyd]

Hi, Lucky, so sorry for your loss. Life is so fragile, as you said. I haven't been on the site much, had a bad bout with bronchitis since December--then had to have PCR test, which is still CMR, thank God. Then a colonscopy, all normal there, then for good measure--they threw in a BMB. Dr. said it was a year from diagnosis & that is her practice.Was so happy to see the reports that it is undectable , again thank God. But thru all of this, I have been traveling to Va. to my sons. His oldest child, 4 years old, has Downs Syndrome, has been battling impacted bowels. My heart goes out to her as she can't tell you where the pain is. The first week was very scary as she just cried & threw up so much---now she doesn't want to eat. I just got back Sunday & logged in to find so many post on this site. I do think & pray for all of our CML family, just right now I am so stressed out over my granddaughter, I am having a time keeping up with everything. Please know I am truly sorry for you & your wife for the loss. Hope to be able to post more & respond to other posts when I am home. Prayers to your family & all of our CML family---granny d

[Happycat]

Lucky,

That's the hell of sudden death - no time for goodbyes.  And then there's the long, lingering death with a steady decline, lots of pain, but lots of time to say your goodbyes. 

My dad died the long, lingering death from cancer.  My dh's dad died of a sudden massive heart attack.  We have discussed before which is the better way to go.  I still can't decide which I think is best.  My gut says the sudden death, but then I hear stories like yours and I'm not so sure. 

Anyway, I hope it gets better and you can adjust to the shock and loss.  My best to your wife and family.

Traci

[pamsouth]

Hi happy cat.  I would think that would depend on the age.  My dad was just a few weeks shy of 76 years, and went very quickly.  He had his arteries in his neck cleaned out.  The doc said if he made it 48 hours he would be out of the wood.  Dad was laughing and joking for a few days after surgery, then a sudden stroke.  I would guess a piece of clogged artery in the neck broke off.

Then my mom was shy 8 days of being 84 years.  Her death was about the last 4 years of up and down.  We even got Hospice for her for 6 months then she rallied back, it was exhausting and sad and draining, to watch her wither away.  My Aunt died at 89 same thing.  So I think if they are older and linger on in very poor health that it is bitter sweet.  I think generally the men go quicker.  But not in your case.

At 36 years, I think that is what Lucky said.  Sudden and young well that would be tough!

I do think that Call Me Lucky definitely has been the strong one, emotionally, through out his life.  But then sometimes I wonder how much stress plays in our health issues?

pamsouth