36 replies to this topic

[Pinkbubbles9642]

Does anyone have any phone numbers or websites to help someone out when they are in emotional distress? i'm to scared to ask my doctor because she already makes me come see her once a week because she's nervous about how sever my depression is I don't want her to like put me in a mental institue... I'm not crazy I'm just confused, scared, lost my mom, have no close family and my anxiety is through the roof tears wont stop flowing out of my eyes... It's a scary place when you're just ready to give up on thinking your meds are ever going to work and / or transplant.. I could never kill myself because that's just not me at all but like I'm giving up on myself... Getting out of bed, eating or even caring... Does anyone have something I can look at or call, I just turned 21 I'm scared and very much alone, any help i would be greatful for!!!!

[Lizzybee]

Are you in crisis? Please call 1-800-273-TALK

It's a suicide prevention hotline, and I know you said you're not going to do that, but I don't know what else would be available 24/7 and free.

[luvmybees24]

I'm sorry to hear this. I definitely understand as I have battled depressed all my life (and have been in the hospital for it as well). See if you can get counseling through your county health system if you don't have insurance or ask the dr. about any support groups. Do you take anti-depressants? Prozac changed my life for me. I can function now. I have been in that dark place and considered suicide more times than I can count (not recently). If you want to talk, message me.

A weird fact. I was in the ER on 11/11/08 because I wanted to kill myself and on 11/11/11 I was in the ER getting diagnosed with leukemia. So weird. Back then I wanted to die and now I'd do anything to live.

[Pinkbubbles9642]

My doctor said originally that she wanted me to look into inpatient hospital for it but then I was sent to uofm and now might be getting a bone marrow transplant and I can't admit myself anywhere, nor did I really want to :.( I guess I'm scared of what it's going to be like in there, who's going to be in there and guess the imaturity in me is what others will thing :-/. I'll send you a message thank you for sharing with me hun!

[BY196]

There's no shame in needing help--my sister is a cancer doctor and she says it's unusual for cancer patients NOT to need medication at some point.  If your doctor is talking about admitting you for this purpose, please don't worry about what it would be like.  The picture most people have of psychiatric wards is very outdated and unrealistic. 

Beth

[CallMeLucky]

Try looking at http://www.lls.org/#...rmationsupport/

You can call LLS at 800-955-4572

Hang in there

[Rissa]

MJ,

You might try contacting your local leukemia and lymphoma society chapter.  Just go to www.lls.org and and there's a tab that says "find your chapter".  They might be able to help you find someone to talk to in person.  Of course, writing on this message board can help a lot.  Whatever you're feeling, just write about it.  You'll get tons of support here. 

Rissa

[KerriD]

MJ,

Are you currently taking an anti-depressant? I have taken one for years and when I have gone off of them those feelings come creeping back and I cant see the good that is always there. If not please please ask your doctor to get on one ASAP....it probably wouldnt hurt to do a few days of inpatient care to get you stabilized.   Please consider these options....you are so young and your whole life is in front of you.  Even with CML life can be wonderful...

Kerri

[Lynne D]

http://www.nationalcmlsociety.org/

[Pinkbubbles9642]

Thank ya'll for your responses and support. Yes I am on depression medications, I'm on Effexor 150 mg, have been for about 4 months now. It just doesn't seems like it helps very much... I know a lot of peoples images of those places are outdated but its still a scary thought and the fact that I'm starting my BMT proceedure I wouldn't be able to go to one anyways... I'm trying and thank you ALL for responding!!!

[Tedsey]

Sometimes it takes about a month for the anti-depressant to kick in.  At 4 weeks, it should be working.  But, as you probably know, you should try to switch medication if the drug doesn't work.  Don't hesitate.  It may take a couple different drugs.  I was just wondering if you onc is part of a cancer center or a university cancer center.  Where my hem/onc is, they offer free psychological services.  But I would think that your onc would mention this to you.  Nevertheless, there is always the chance she/he doesn't know it is avail.  You can always ask the front desk and bypass your onc altogether.  For example, my onc would not know if I was seeing someone unless I told her.  I just say this because you are afraid your onc may suggest hospitalization.  BTW, who is prescribing your anti-depressants?  Is it your onc or a psychiatrist?  I hate to see how sad you are and that you are suffering so much.  Often at universities there are psych students who offer free services.  Also, Planned Parenthood, believe it or not, offers mental health services.  I saw a social worker there years ago (when I was a spring chicken like you).  She was very good and at the time I lived hand to mouth. 

Please take care.  I wish I could be more of a help.  Please continue to write if it helps.

Teds

[Judy2]

Hi MJ,

I just turned on my computer about ½ hour ago, I didn't have it on all day as I was at the cancer hospital. I sent you a private message and also called. Please call me whenever you need to, know matter what time it is. If I do not answer I will call you right back. I am here for you, you are not alone. Everyone on the board cares, please remember that. Remember, do not hesitate to call me. I do not always have my computer on so if you private message me I may not see the message for quite some time, so call. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!  I hope we talk soon.

Hugs,

Judy

[felursus]

Hi: I'm usually on the AML/transplant boards but I saw your posting in the list.  I just had dinner with a friend who is a survivor of NHL.  She was on anti-depressants for years and they didn't help much.  She finally switched psychiatrists, and the new one said that her problem was due to metabolic changes from her meds and radiation.  She's being weaned from her anti-depressants and, most interestingly, has been taking - off label use - a drug developed as an anti-seizure medication.  I hadn't seen her for a while, but she looks a million times better - and says she feels it.  So, I was wondering whether the person prescribing your anti-depressants was your oncologist or an "outside" psychiatrist who may be less familiar with the medications you are taking for your CML and their potential interaction with the anti-depressant.  Another thing: it's NORMAL for a cancer patient to experience depression to some extent.  Some people cope well without needing drugs, but others do need them just to help them through all the angst and problems caused by the treatments/need for treatments and attendant issues with work/family.  If any one particular drug doesn't work, then it's probably because the way in which it works isn't solving the problem OR because of interaction with other drugs the person is taking.  Sometimes the psychiatrist has to try several different drugs/drug combos.  I think the idea of talking to someone at your local LLS chapter or the CML organization is great - because you are certainly not the only one to have had severe depression from having to cope with leukemia.  They may be able to give you the name of someone who is knowledgeable about CML/medications/effects.

Hugs,

Karen

[hannibellemo]

Felursus,

Are you positive you have AML? I'm quite sure you belong on this site! 

Pat

[felursus]

Alas, Pat, it's all too true! But I'm a "weird case".  #1 my genetics "say" that if I had a blood cancer it should be a B-cell lymphoma - not the case.  #2 I "flunked" chemo 101, but went into partial remission anyway - I had MDs tell me (but in a much nicer way) that unless I either responded to some drug and/or had a transplant I'd probably be dead "in months" (ah - that was back at the end of June) - and here I am - and working, no less.  BTW, I'm a PT, and I've worked at Memorial Sloan Kettering. 

Blessings (as Tex would say) to you all.

Karen

[Elizablest]

Dear MJ,

I don't have any websites to suggest, but I do care about how you are doing.

I think I might know how you feel. A long time ago, I was diagnosed with a different kind of cancer than what I have now and I went through the kind of emotional turmoil you are experiencing, quite a bit. I had a lot of anxiety and severe depression. That was so long ago that they didn't have good anti-depressant medications. They didn't even have counseling help for cancer patients. I had to ask my oncologist to refer a psychiatrist. I knew I really needed help. Though I felt I was going to go out of my mind at times, I can look back now and be comforted that I got through it all. I hope you will have the same thing. I know it sounds stupid. But, you gotta just hang on. It's like being on a bad roller coaster ride, I know. But, just hang on and eventually the ride gets smoother.

I noticed you said you lost your mother. Do you mean she died? Or maybe she just isn't in your life anymore? I'm wondering how long ago you lost her. Because it seems to me that would very much affect how you are feeling. It's bad enough to have this diagnosis, but to feel alone can really add to the emotional pain. Both my parents are gone now and I wish they could be here for me. On the other hand. I'm glad they don't know what I am going through as it would really disturb them.

I have spent some time in hospitals for emotional problems. It used to be pretty horrible. But, these days, it's really so much better. One thing that you might want to consider is something they call "Day Therapy". Instead of staying overnight, you spend most of your day in therapy with other patients. Plus you get one on one counseling, too. I found it very helpful. The other patients have problems too. But the serious patients are not in Day Therapy programs, so it is not scarey.

I hope what I am saying is helpful to you. I hope you can see that we care for you and want you to have some peace of mind. Keep communicating. You have people here who understand what you are going through and the concerns you have for your diagnosis, too. I hope you have some smoother days real soon.

[Skittles]

I just wanted to send my prayers your way and second what ldagata has added.  Please do get in touch with

http://www.nationalcmlsociety.org/      Greg and staff are awesome and help people every day!!   As you can see there are many here that care about you and know what you are going through but you really should get more help to deal with this.  Blessing, Skittles

[Pinkbubbles9642]

thank you everyone for your replies and some private messages! It has been very helpful hearing others stories and advice. I'm doing a lot better but still just down but I'

m sure it'll go away in time. I did start seeing a new therapist and she is great, i think just all the side effects of the chemo and then the though of my BMT appointment coming and being alone through it just scared me and I didn't know how to react. Thank you though!!! Also, yes my momma passed away she didn't just leave me.

[felursus]

Glad to hear things are going better.

Re the BMB: ask for a script for morphine and something like Valium and take them one hour before. Also ask if the MD can use a drill: it's much faster - even though it does sound like carpentry!  Can't you get a friend to come and hold your hand?  They don't have to watch - just hold your hand.

Hugs,

Karen