Cancer is truly relentless. On Christmas morning my dear father in law, who turned 70 the day before, collapsed with a seizure. He was taken to the hospital and we found out he has a stage 4 glioblastoma and will not likely survive to see 2013. It just doesn't make sense. This was a guy who did everything right. He ate right, exercised, hiked, ice skated, lived by himself in the mountains. When it snowed he shoveled his entire property by himself. We noticed over the past month or so he was starting to act weird but we weren't sure if he was just getting older. We knew something was wrong on Christmas eve and we were starting to put together a plan to take him to the doctor - in general he only went to the doctor once a year for a physical and he didn't take any medication for anything.
He already had the surgery to remove as much as they could and we are hoping he will be coming around soon to his former self so he can participate in the treatment decisions. Stress is at an all time high for all of us. My poor wife, she lost her mother to colon cancer when she was in her 20's, her mother was only 44. I was diagnosed with leukemia a year and a half ago, and now her father has a brain tumor. She doesn't deserve this at all ( I guess no one does, but she sure as hell doesn't)
Two days ago was so bazaar as everyone needed to sleep and I was the only one available to sit with him at the hospital. Despite being exhausted from fighting off a nasty cold and having to care of my children while my wife has been out for days at a time, I felt I needed to do it. There is a cruel irony to a cancer patient having to take care of another cancer patient who is worse off. The emotions are so complicated, feeling sad about what is happening to him, scared it could me at some point, guilty about why it's not me - why does my cancer have a good prognosis but his has such a bad one? Normally I would have joked with him about it and we would have laughed about the irony, but he just isn't himself, don't know if he ever will be again. At this point he doesn't even know it is cancer, he's not ready to comprehend it (according to his surgeon) so we let him go with his version of the story, which is that he fell and hit his head and the fall developed a tumor that they had to remove. It's going to suck when they have to tell him the full story.
So in closing, it's been a tough couple of years and this year coming up isn't looking any better. Just so tired, so so tired of it all.
Thanks for listening to me vent......