I'm coming up fast on my first cancerversary on January 31st of this year, so I get to ring in the new year and then look forward to that.
I've been doing well as far as the CML is concerned; a Sept 6th bone marrow sample yielded PCRU on a quantitative analysis.
However, emotionally it has been much more difficult than I realized. I handled everything the first couple of months with what used to be my normal grace under fire. Two days after I left the hospital I started a new, full-time job, then I got engaged a month or so later, then I got married last month, I converted to the Catholic Church in September, and a few other things happened. There's been a lot of big milestones this year and it wore on me--I had a panic attack in March, my first one ever, then several subsequent panic and anxiety related things during the day and even waking me up at night, really reaching their peak at the first of May and continuing until basically the end of October.
During late summer/early fall, I began to see a counselor for this and learn some other techniques on my own to deal with it--I used some Ativan until then but not much. Anyway, things are now mostly under control. I still have blips on the radar, but now I can just focus for a few minutes and calm down and not have any incidents to write home about. I do notice that being too fatigued (so, the usual) gives me more problems, as does being overstimulated.
Even though my life is pretty calm now and also I can deal with this anxiety which still lingers, I get frustrated that it's still there and don't know how to completely eradicate it. I'm not sure if I need time to heal this wound, or what. Maybe I even have a form of post-traumatic stress disorder, a mild form. Who knows?
In any case, does it get easier? Did it take anyone else a while to completely settle? An advice for you multi-year patients?
Thank you for all the input.